Four years ago today, everything in life that was "normal" changed forever. Mom had been sick all week with "the flu", but that morning it became clear something else was amiss. Just hours later we would receive the news that felt like the biggest kick in the gut, "there is nothing we can do..."
Those words signaled the end of normalcy for me. No more getting those phone calls right as we sat down for dinner. No more calling on Saturday mornings to see if she had eaten yet, then she would promptly cook up a storm so we could head over to the house and eat with her. No more calling mom for advice or to tell her the latest good news.My kids left without a grandma, my dad left without his wife, and my brothers and I left without our mom. Normal was no longer a word I could truly use in life.
Time has passed and we have been forced to try an go on. Life has even taken on a new path that seems somewhat normal. Perhaps the definition of "normal" has changed in my life. After December 19, 2008, everything that was normal changed, and the reality is, there is nothing we could have done, or can do about it except redefine what the new "normal" is in our lives.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
My Christmas Story
Running into him last night brought back the happy memory in the midst of the pain. Almost four years ago, we were reeling from the sudden passing of my mom just six days before Christmas. The holiday forced us to postpone her service until December 26th. Because of her outgoing demeanor, the 200 seat church she attended was not going to be big enough to accommodate her memorial service. She had friends from every walk of life, yet we were keenly aware that, due to the Christmas holiday, the number of attendees could range from a few family members to several hundred people. I soon found out that most large churches in town had already closed their facilities for vacation, and even contacting a receptionist proved to be a chore. Phone call after phone call, and trips to numerous church offices were all met with no answer, or an apology and explanation that they had no one to accommodate us.
The answer was the same as I called Fresno First Baptist, pleading for assistance. "We have another congregation holding a Christmas service, then our staff is going home to be with their families" came the answer. Once again, my heart sunk in a frustration that numbed the pain of my mourning. I had exhausted the list of larger churches in town, and was resigned to settling for using the church my mom attended. I started home in defeat, preparing to begin the next task at hand.
Then the phone rang, and I experienced something that can only be described as a real life definition of what Christmas is really all about. It was Lill from Fresno First Baptist again, and she had some new info. The worship pastor heard our story, and if my memory serves me correct, had lost his father recently, and our story struck a chord with him. So a man I describe as an angel of sorts entered our lives. Bryan Hitch said that he would open the church, run the sound and video equipment and do whatever else we needed, so we could have the service. A few days later, thanks to the congregation of First Baptist, and especially to Bryan, over 700 people packed the church and lobby, and were able to pay their respects and celebrated the life of my mom.
So when I ran into Bryan last night, it all came back. I felt tears welling up a bit in my eyes, partly because it is that season again, but more so because I was reminded of the extreme kindness and the sacrifice he made to accommodate our family. We met a man who did for us what my mom would have done for someone else. He interrupted his family time, during the holidays, to serve a family that he did not even know!
And so I conclude this Christmas story with a challenge. It may not be convenient, you may not be able to afford much,or it may put a bit of a strain on your time, but strive to look out for and consider the needs of others. And as you travel through life, when you come across someone who has an extreme story, and you find yourself looking for an excuse to not assist, I ask you to remember Bryan and his kindness towards us, and I ask you to follow his great example and go do the same for someone else.
The answer was the same as I called Fresno First Baptist, pleading for assistance. "We have another congregation holding a Christmas service, then our staff is going home to be with their families" came the answer. Once again, my heart sunk in a frustration that numbed the pain of my mourning. I had exhausted the list of larger churches in town, and was resigned to settling for using the church my mom attended. I started home in defeat, preparing to begin the next task at hand.
Then the phone rang, and I experienced something that can only be described as a real life definition of what Christmas is really all about. It was Lill from Fresno First Baptist again, and she had some new info. The worship pastor heard our story, and if my memory serves me correct, had lost his father recently, and our story struck a chord with him. So a man I describe as an angel of sorts entered our lives. Bryan Hitch said that he would open the church, run the sound and video equipment and do whatever else we needed, so we could have the service. A few days later, thanks to the congregation of First Baptist, and especially to Bryan, over 700 people packed the church and lobby, and were able to pay their respects and celebrated the life of my mom.
So when I ran into Bryan last night, it all came back. I felt tears welling up a bit in my eyes, partly because it is that season again, but more so because I was reminded of the extreme kindness and the sacrifice he made to accommodate our family. We met a man who did for us what my mom would have done for someone else. He interrupted his family time, during the holidays, to serve a family that he did not even know!
And so I conclude this Christmas story with a challenge. It may not be convenient, you may not be able to afford much,or it may put a bit of a strain on your time, but strive to look out for and consider the needs of others. And as you travel through life, when you come across someone who has an extreme story, and you find yourself looking for an excuse to not assist, I ask you to remember Bryan and his kindness towards us, and I ask you to follow his great example and go do the same for someone else.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Are You Still Thankful?
As the month of November arrived, the annual onslaught of daily posts began to show up on Facebook and other social media platforms. Facebook walls were filled with messages reading "I'm thankful for this" and "I'm thankful for that". The posts prompted a conversation between one of my managers and myself. While we certainly were not being judgmental of anyone posting, we agreed that far too often, we get caught up in the "Thanksgiving" hype and suddenly become thankful in the month of November. We further agreed that in reality everyday ought to be a day of thanksgiving.
Of course it made me think (doesn't almost everything?) about the topic as Thanksgiving day drew closer, and eventually passed. Far too often, we focus on the things that are missing from our lives, and perhaps take the things we do have for granted. If we are honest, many of us let football games, plans for Black Friday, or even the stressful preparation of the Thanksgiving meal distract us, so we kind of skipped the "thanks" portion of thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving, the number of "thankful" posts had dwindled to almost nothing.
Posting on a social media site does not make any one more or less thankful. In fact it has nothing to do with it. It has everything to do with our attitudes. Do we choose to be thankful just when the holiday is near, or is being being thankful a daily part of our lives? What would happen in our lives, if we took just a moment every day, and simply found one thing we could be thankful for? Certainly there are more than 365 things we could be thankful for. Perhaps the negatives in our life will diminish as we focus our attention on the many things we have to be thankful for.
Challenge yourself and give it a try, as I see it, there is nothing to lose, and perhaps a more positive outlook on life to gain.
Of course it made me think (doesn't almost everything?) about the topic as Thanksgiving day drew closer, and eventually passed. Far too often, we focus on the things that are missing from our lives, and perhaps take the things we do have for granted. If we are honest, many of us let football games, plans for Black Friday, or even the stressful preparation of the Thanksgiving meal distract us, so we kind of skipped the "thanks" portion of thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving, the number of "thankful" posts had dwindled to almost nothing.
Posting on a social media site does not make any one more or less thankful. In fact it has nothing to do with it. It has everything to do with our attitudes. Do we choose to be thankful just when the holiday is near, or is being being thankful a daily part of our lives? What would happen in our lives, if we took just a moment every day, and simply found one thing we could be thankful for? Certainly there are more than 365 things we could be thankful for. Perhaps the negatives in our life will diminish as we focus our attention on the many things we have to be thankful for.
Challenge yourself and give it a try, as I see it, there is nothing to lose, and perhaps a more positive outlook on life to gain.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Where Is Your "Happiest Place On Earth"?
We just returned from a family getaway at Disneyland. We all had a
great time-especially the kids! Disneyland is known for being "The
happiest place on earth" and for good reason, once you set foot inside,
you become a child again, amazed at the wonder of it all.
This was the first time I had ever been to Disneyland for more than one day. Three days of walking around allowed me the opportunity to take part in one of my favorite activities, people watching! I saw laughing children, looks of amazement, and lots of people just having a good time. I also saw plenty of crying kids, frustrated and tired after being in the park all day long, couples arguing over who knows what, parents scolding their children for misbehaving, and lots of other stressful activity.
Seeing all the drama taking place in "the happiest place on earth" made me think of a Bible verse I have read. A portion of Philippians 4:12 reads, "I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances". While it is a Biblical principal, you don't need to believe in God, or in the Bible to use its message in your life. I thought of how far too often, our circumstances dictate how we feel. If it is rainy, some feel gloomy. Bring out the sun and the mood instantly changes. I realized that you can be walking through the "happiest place on earth", and be completely miserable! I was reminded of the importance of being content, regardless of my current situation. Depending on our mindset, we can be miserable living in a kings palace, and quite happy living in the "bad part of town". Wealth can not cure depression, and poverty need not keep one from being happy. We can be grateful for life while our body is being torn apart by cancer, and an angry individual with a completely healthy body.
So I invite you to join me, regardless of your circumstances, in striving to have the happiest place on earth be wherever it is that currently find yourself in life. I love Disneyland, but it no longer needs to be the only "Happiest Place On Earth"!
This was the first time I had ever been to Disneyland for more than one day. Three days of walking around allowed me the opportunity to take part in one of my favorite activities, people watching! I saw laughing children, looks of amazement, and lots of people just having a good time. I also saw plenty of crying kids, frustrated and tired after being in the park all day long, couples arguing over who knows what, parents scolding their children for misbehaving, and lots of other stressful activity.
Seeing all the drama taking place in "the happiest place on earth" made me think of a Bible verse I have read. A portion of Philippians 4:12 reads, "I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances". While it is a Biblical principal, you don't need to believe in God, or in the Bible to use its message in your life. I thought of how far too often, our circumstances dictate how we feel. If it is rainy, some feel gloomy. Bring out the sun and the mood instantly changes. I realized that you can be walking through the "happiest place on earth", and be completely miserable! I was reminded of the importance of being content, regardless of my current situation. Depending on our mindset, we can be miserable living in a kings palace, and quite happy living in the "bad part of town". Wealth can not cure depression, and poverty need not keep one from being happy. We can be grateful for life while our body is being torn apart by cancer, and an angry individual with a completely healthy body.
So I invite you to join me, regardless of your circumstances, in striving to have the happiest place on earth be wherever it is that currently find yourself in life. I love Disneyland, but it no longer needs to be the only "Happiest Place On Earth"!
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Lessons From Phil Jackson And The Lakers
As I get older, I sometimes feel disappointment about opportunities that have seemingly passed me by. Immature decisions, lack of focus or discipline, unclear goals or a myriad of other reasons can be pointed to as the reason for failure. When I consider going back and trying to accomplish some of those goals, inevitably, excuses such as age, lack of finances or time begin to cross my mind. The recent events in the NBA made me think about age, unfinished business, and changes that I can make in my life.
The terrible start to this years season sent panic through the hearts of Los Angeles Lakers fans. All these great players on one team, but only one win in five tries is hardly acceptable by Lakers standards. And so, just five games into the season, the Lakers fired their 42 year old coach, Mike Brown. It was just a matter of minutes before the names of potential replacements began to hit the rumor mill. One name immediately shot to the top of the list, 67 year old Phil Jackson. In a day and age where most people his age are retired and moving on with life, this is a wanted man!
This whole scenario made me realize three things:
1. We have to become proficient in certain areas of our lives. Phil Jackson is a basketball genius. He played the game and after retiring as a player, somehow figured out how to bring giant egos together to win championships. Often, we stop short of our potential because, while we may have talent, we dont develop the skills required to excel. There are aspects of our lives we can improve. We can master subjects critical to us becoming more efficient and effective in our jobs. We can master a talent such as playing a musical instrument or the game of golf. When we become experts, we become valuable, and in some cases, a necessary commodity. That's why the Lakers are after a man who is 25 years older than the coach they just fired!
2. In most cases, age does not matter. It is rumored that because of age, Phil Jackson will have a modified travel schedule, and would not travel to every game with the team. Certainly our bodies can put limitations on what we may be able to accomplish, but that is just one part of the equation. It is not too late to go back to school and finish that degree. It is not too late to get back into physical shape. It is not too late to learn a new language, make some new friends, start a business, or change career paths. Certainly there are challenges, but what fun is life with no challenge? What one thing have you not accomplished because you are "too old"? Go do it!
3. Finish the unfinished business. Phil Jackson has won 11 NBA titles as a coach! At the beginning of the 2010-2011 season, he announced that it would be his final season coaching. The Dallas Mavericks swept the Lakers out of the playoffs in four straight games, thus ending the Lakers season ended in disappointing fashion. I have to believe that in Jackson's mind, his coaching career did not end the way he wanted, and that may be the itch that could ultimately drive him back into the game. What unfinished business do you have in your life? What project did you start, but didn't finish? What important relationship went bad, but you never took the time to try and repair it? What is it that just nags at you, pleading with you to go finish what you started?
The good news is, if you are reading this, you are alive, and still have time! If we look hard enough, we can find plenty of excuses as to why we cant do it. Today, just find one reason why you can and go for it. What do you have to lose?
The terrible start to this years season sent panic through the hearts of Los Angeles Lakers fans. All these great players on one team, but only one win in five tries is hardly acceptable by Lakers standards. And so, just five games into the season, the Lakers fired their 42 year old coach, Mike Brown. It was just a matter of minutes before the names of potential replacements began to hit the rumor mill. One name immediately shot to the top of the list, 67 year old Phil Jackson. In a day and age where most people his age are retired and moving on with life, this is a wanted man!
This whole scenario made me realize three things:
1. We have to become proficient in certain areas of our lives. Phil Jackson is a basketball genius. He played the game and after retiring as a player, somehow figured out how to bring giant egos together to win championships. Often, we stop short of our potential because, while we may have talent, we dont develop the skills required to excel. There are aspects of our lives we can improve. We can master subjects critical to us becoming more efficient and effective in our jobs. We can master a talent such as playing a musical instrument or the game of golf. When we become experts, we become valuable, and in some cases, a necessary commodity. That's why the Lakers are after a man who is 25 years older than the coach they just fired!
2. In most cases, age does not matter. It is rumored that because of age, Phil Jackson will have a modified travel schedule, and would not travel to every game with the team. Certainly our bodies can put limitations on what we may be able to accomplish, but that is just one part of the equation. It is not too late to go back to school and finish that degree. It is not too late to get back into physical shape. It is not too late to learn a new language, make some new friends, start a business, or change career paths. Certainly there are challenges, but what fun is life with no challenge? What one thing have you not accomplished because you are "too old"? Go do it!
3. Finish the unfinished business. Phil Jackson has won 11 NBA titles as a coach! At the beginning of the 2010-2011 season, he announced that it would be his final season coaching. The Dallas Mavericks swept the Lakers out of the playoffs in four straight games, thus ending the Lakers season ended in disappointing fashion. I have to believe that in Jackson's mind, his coaching career did not end the way he wanted, and that may be the itch that could ultimately drive him back into the game. What unfinished business do you have in your life? What project did you start, but didn't finish? What important relationship went bad, but you never took the time to try and repair it? What is it that just nags at you, pleading with you to go finish what you started?
The good news is, if you are reading this, you are alive, and still have time! If we look hard enough, we can find plenty of excuses as to why we cant do it. Today, just find one reason why you can and go for it. What do you have to lose?
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Who Can I Help?
Unless you don't pay attention to the news, you are well aware that the eastern portion of our nation was hit by hurricane Sandy, leaving cities underwater, thousands without electricity, and worse yet, many Americans instantly became homeless. With all of our flaws, our political divisions, racial tensions and other "warts", America is a country that comes together and helps each other when disaster strikes. It did not take long for hot lines to be set up to collect cash for victims of this disaster. The Red Cross began to mobilize and recruit volunteers to assist. PG&E sent some of their employees to assist the efforts to restore power in the New York area. From government agencies, to corporations, churches and other non profits organizations, everyone is pitching in to help out those who so desperately need it.
As I thought about all the good will being spread around, a question crossed my mind. While we are great at coming together, and lending a helping hand in times of disaster, what about taking care of the needs of others who are struggling on a day to day basis? This is not a Republican or Democrat issue, it is an issue of humans needing each other. The police cant always be around to catch the thieves who are breaking into our cars and homes to steal our valuables, but we can begin to look out for suspicious activity in our neighborhoods, thus helping our neighbors. We don't individually have the resources to assist everyone who genuinely needs financial help, but if we stop being so self centered, maybe we would take notice that co worker, neighbor, or church member who is struggling to make ends meet, and lend them a helping hand. We see the elderly individual whose strength has betrayed them, and to add insult to injury, cant afford a gardener to mow their lawn. Take an extra twenty minutes and cut their lawn. So many needs, and so few people looking to fill those needs.
So, my idea is simple, lets keep coming together as a nation when our help is needed, but lets also, stop for a moment, each and every day and find ways that we can assist those individuals that I believe God puts in our path for us to help. Today it is us helping our neighbor, tomorrow, it may be our neighbor helping us.
As I thought about all the good will being spread around, a question crossed my mind. While we are great at coming together, and lending a helping hand in times of disaster, what about taking care of the needs of others who are struggling on a day to day basis? This is not a Republican or Democrat issue, it is an issue of humans needing each other. The police cant always be around to catch the thieves who are breaking into our cars and homes to steal our valuables, but we can begin to look out for suspicious activity in our neighborhoods, thus helping our neighbors. We don't individually have the resources to assist everyone who genuinely needs financial help, but if we stop being so self centered, maybe we would take notice that co worker, neighbor, or church member who is struggling to make ends meet, and lend them a helping hand. We see the elderly individual whose strength has betrayed them, and to add insult to injury, cant afford a gardener to mow their lawn. Take an extra twenty minutes and cut their lawn. So many needs, and so few people looking to fill those needs.
So, my idea is simple, lets keep coming together as a nation when our help is needed, but lets also, stop for a moment, each and every day and find ways that we can assist those individuals that I believe God puts in our path for us to help. Today it is us helping our neighbor, tomorrow, it may be our neighbor helping us.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
So Cheating Does Pay...
So it's been a couple of days now since the World Series ended and the San Francisco Giants were crowned champions. At the risk of sounding like a bitter Dodgers fan, I cant help but wonder what message we are sending to our children. Something doesn't seem right when a team can have two of its players suspended for using performance enhancing drugs (PED's), yet still be eligible to end up the ultimate winners.
If I'm 100% honest, I have to admit that the Giants fielded a great team, and their manager is top notch. I also understand that whether someone is using PED's or not, it still takes a great amount of skill to hit a breaking ball, or perform at a level worthy of reaching the big leagues. But what credibility do we have when we tell our kids that "cheaters never win, and winners never cheat" yet, the team that ultimately won, had at least two players who didn't follow the rules of the game?
I'm not naive, I know that PED's are an issue throughout baseball, not just on the Giants. Yes, Major League Baseball suspends those players and they are subject to being banned from the game, but in an industry where players are making millions, do the players care? Do we even care? As long as our team wins and the drugs are not hurting anyone other than the one using them, can we honestly say we really care if they are using PED's or not. If I was in charge, any team would forfeit all games they won using a player who cheated. But, I'm not in charge, of Major League Baseball, so short of boycotting the game, there is nothing I can do.
My real point goes back to how our actions affect our children. Just watch any youth sport, and see the touchdown dances, the home run trots, and the trash talking after making a basket with a man in your face, and it will become clear to you that they are watching the actions of professional athletes. We can not control the actions of the athletes our kids want to emulate, but we can control our own.
So next time we eat some grapes from the produce section at the grocery store without paying, tell our six year old to "tell the lady you are five" so they can eat for free, or leave off a few strokes on our golf game, remember, we are sending a message to our kids that cheating is OK. If we send that message to them when they are young, lets not act so surprised when they take the "If you aren't cheating, you aren't trying" mentality in other areas of their lives...
Go Dodgers!
If I'm 100% honest, I have to admit that the Giants fielded a great team, and their manager is top notch. I also understand that whether someone is using PED's or not, it still takes a great amount of skill to hit a breaking ball, or perform at a level worthy of reaching the big leagues. But what credibility do we have when we tell our kids that "cheaters never win, and winners never cheat" yet, the team that ultimately won, had at least two players who didn't follow the rules of the game?
I'm not naive, I know that PED's are an issue throughout baseball, not just on the Giants. Yes, Major League Baseball suspends those players and they are subject to being banned from the game, but in an industry where players are making millions, do the players care? Do we even care? As long as our team wins and the drugs are not hurting anyone other than the one using them, can we honestly say we really care if they are using PED's or not. If I was in charge, any team would forfeit all games they won using a player who cheated. But, I'm not in charge, of Major League Baseball, so short of boycotting the game, there is nothing I can do.
My real point goes back to how our actions affect our children. Just watch any youth sport, and see the touchdown dances, the home run trots, and the trash talking after making a basket with a man in your face, and it will become clear to you that they are watching the actions of professional athletes. We can not control the actions of the athletes our kids want to emulate, but we can control our own.
So next time we eat some grapes from the produce section at the grocery store without paying, tell our six year old to "tell the lady you are five" so they can eat for free, or leave off a few strokes on our golf game, remember, we are sending a message to our kids that cheating is OK. If we send that message to them when they are young, lets not act so surprised when they take the "If you aren't cheating, you aren't trying" mentality in other areas of their lives...
Go Dodgers!
Friday, October 26, 2012
Change Can Be Good!
We order the same thing off the menu, talk to the same people all the time, sit in the same seat at church, wear the same style of clothes...It is so easy to fall into the routine of doing the same thing over and over. Life can become stale and mundane. Our daily lives often begin to look like an endless NASCAR race-round and round and round.
I'm watching Madagascar 3 with Ethan, and part of the story line has a circus failing because the animals lost their passion. Marty, the main character convinces the other animals that they have to change, or they will fail.
When we fall in a rut, getting out and making the smallest change seems to be such an impossibility. How hard does it seem to lose just five pounds, take one class at the community college, or just take a five minute walk around the block? Yet if we dont change, we will fail. Fail to live up to our full potential. Fail to live longer. Fail to impact others to our fullest potential. Fail to live life to its fullest. How often do we wait until we are fired from a job, faced with serious health issues, or faced with divorce papes to make changes in our lives?
So today, make one small change, then repeat the process tomorrow and so on. What have you got to lose? Perhaps you will become healthier, learn something new, make new friends, or reignite a passion that you once had. Change can be very good indeed, but, if you decide that the change was not good, you can always change again, and go back to how you were living. As I embark on the quest to make changes in my own life, I finish this thought with my favorite line in the movie, "If I go down in flames, so be it...
I'm watching Madagascar 3 with Ethan, and part of the story line has a circus failing because the animals lost their passion. Marty, the main character convinces the other animals that they have to change, or they will fail.
When we fall in a rut, getting out and making the smallest change seems to be such an impossibility. How hard does it seem to lose just five pounds, take one class at the community college, or just take a five minute walk around the block? Yet if we dont change, we will fail. Fail to live up to our full potential. Fail to live longer. Fail to impact others to our fullest potential. Fail to live life to its fullest. How often do we wait until we are fired from a job, faced with serious health issues, or faced with divorce papes to make changes in our lives?
So today, make one small change, then repeat the process tomorrow and so on. What have you got to lose? Perhaps you will become healthier, learn something new, make new friends, or reignite a passion that you once had. Change can be very good indeed, but, if you decide that the change was not good, you can always change again, and go back to how you were living. As I embark on the quest to make changes in my own life, I finish this thought with my favorite line in the movie, "If I go down in flames, so be it...
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